When I worked for Apple Computer in Austin, Apple was considering building a campus a little further north, in Williamson County. When a big corporation is thinking about moving to an area, local governments usually give the company all sorts of tax breaks, which is really a form of welfare for the rich, and the Williamson County government was about to do the same for Apple.

But wait! One of Apple's policies is that it provides benefits to same-sex partners of employees. (i.e., If you were a gay employee, your partner would be covered under your company insurance plan.) That's more common nowadays, but at the time Apple was one of the only companies with such a policy. Williamson County, being the bastion of Texas conservatism that it is, decided that it shouldn't fork over the corporate welfare to such a sinning company that supported homosexuality.

When all this was happening, I sent out the following email to my fellow employees in the Austin office:

The Austin-American Statesman recently quoted one of the Williamson County councilmembers as saying that if he had voted for the tax abatement for Apple, the next time he walked into church people would say, "There's the man who brought homosexuality to Williamson County!"

Seeing that there is therefore still a golden opportunity to bring homosexuality to Williamson County, I intend to take the credit for this accomplishment and secure my place in history.

** I ** will be the man who brings homosexuality to Williamson County.

Yep, I'm gonna drive a great big bus full of 'em up there and set 'em loose. It'll be a sight to see, watchin' 'em scurry out of the bus and out over the hillside. I'll be standing there on the side of the bus, saying, "Whoo-eee! Look at 'em go!"     =:-]   -MBJ-

Here are some of the comments I received from fellow co-workers about this:

You are a strange and wonderful person. I just have one question. Once you let em off the bus, any chance of getting them back? --Stan L.

Thanks, Michael. You brightened my morning with that. Really! But who's going to drive the bus from San Francisco, since you KNOW that there aren't any homosexuals in Texas... --Jim W.

Michael, you're bent... Thanks for the chuckle. ;-> Celeste E.

Michael, You are sick sick sick sick sick sick sick. Let me know when you drive this Magic Bus to Williamson County, I have eight years experience as a photojournalist and would love to record this for posterity. Do your prefer FujiChrome or black and white? Oops, dumb question. In this case, we'll obviously have to shoot both ways. --Darron S.

Careful, there may be local regulation against releasing a non-native sexual orientation into the wild with a nature impact study... --James B.

Watch out Michael! They are people too! We don't want to lower ourselves to the racist level of some people who do exist in the world! I am still waiting for the day for some brave soul in the church to stand up who is a popular figure and state that he/she is a homosexual! I would love to be their in Williamson County for that one to see their faces! I will be patting that fellow on the back! :) --Greg J.

Michael, While I appreciate your satire, I also find your image of gay people scurrying over the hills, invading the countryside, offensive. I believe it's enough to say that we are your friends, your co-workers & your neighbors; that we go to your church, shop in your stores & vote in your elections. DQ says it best: "We're here, we're queer, we've got e-mail." --Rick McClain